Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
