ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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