Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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