She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
