Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
