oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
