I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How naked do you want me to be?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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