he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
