i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
