i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
