Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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