I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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