did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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