I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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