Please don't use social media to get back at me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
