someone get that fucking seahorse.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
