you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
