his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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