He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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