I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
