Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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