we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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