This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
