There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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