Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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