Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
