is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
