I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
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You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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