If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
