Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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