Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This house was built for laser tag.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
