it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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