If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
