Old men and throwing up are my life now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
