SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
