so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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