That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
