if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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