i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
