Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
