I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
