oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
