Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
