i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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