You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
