I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
