if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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