so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
