No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
