Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
