dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
