The best revenge is premature balding
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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