Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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