i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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