he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
