Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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