My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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