In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize