my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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