I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
