didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
