I'm gonna have a badass scar
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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