I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I faked an abortion last night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
