someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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