you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
