Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
