Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This is the high leading the old right now
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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